Ever think of that old stage show/movie, whatever, starring Mel someone (I think he was married to the divine Anne Bancroft), anyway, it was called Stop the World, I want to get off.

And this is how technology is affecting me right now.

I’m a willing, if not particularly early, adopter.

I learnt about word processing from my friend Isaac way back in 1989. I thought it was unbelievable the way you could select a word by double clicking, then write over the top. For a girl (generous noun) used to a typewriter, carbon and globs of white-out, this was a flaming miracle.

So I was off and running (thank you Isaac) – we purchased a computer and the sky was the limit. I did a short course at Uni with a Canadian lecturer (Anne double barrel surname) and learnt three different types of software – word processing, databases and spreadsheets. The word processing package was Word Perfect – and sorry Bill, I really don’t think MS Word has improved that much on the original wonderful package. The names of the spreadsheet and database packages have faded with time, but not the memory of how enthralled I was with the pure magic of the database. I had never seen anything like it in my life and the instantaneous sorting of material and running of queries simply blew me away. I still feel like this about databases, and kind of like Access, so Bill there is a compliment lurking in here somewhere!

I experienced the same shock and awe in 1997 on a family holiday on the back roads of county cork in Ireland when my (relatively new) mobile phone rang and it was Nana, calling from suburban Melbourne, wanting to know how her 5 & 7-year-old grandchildren were enjoying the trip…For a girl (there it is again) born in the 50s it was a whole new experience to talk to her mum, in the kitchen two or three continents away, in real time. The first time I travelled from Australia to Europe in 1976 it was the old days of communicating by wafer-thin aerograms – pale blue self sealing missives which dictated either brief thoughts or very cramped writing…and now here was mum on the phone, as clear as a bell.

So I don’t think I shrink from technological updates – we run a website, have more mobile phones than kids and dogs, digital cameras and use most of the features of the regular run of programs on PCs, Macs and so on, and have just discovered the joys of podcasting. Yet on reading about the new Apple iPhone (http://www.apple.com/iphone/ ) my heart just sank.
OK, ok I know it will do everything from wash the car, cook dinner, book movie tickets to confirm the bed and breakfast in Devon. But I just can’t digest any more technology at all. No, Steve Jobs, love your work, not to mention your creativity, but I simply can’t.

I’m exhausted.

I don’t want to read the manual, have someone explain the features, figure out how to “get connected”, worry about phishes and scams and security.

I just want to get up in the morning, love my family, talk to my friends, do my day job, and chill out with a good book after a good meal in the evening.

So don’t show me your new phone or its enhanced features – at this stage I’m so not ready.